Achieving Financial Freedom After Abuse: A Single Mum’s Journey from Struggle to Success
Being able to acheive financial freedom after abuse can be possible. Leaving an abusive relationship is one of the hardest things a person can do. But what many don’t realize is that the battle doesn’t end when you walk away—it often just begins. Financial abuse, which frequently goes hand-in-hand with domestic violence, can leave survivors feeling trapped, helpless, and uncertain about their future.
I know this because I lived it.
After over nine years in a financially controlled and abusive relationship, I suddenly found myself a single mum of five—including a four-week-old baby. I had no financial independence, no safety net, and years of conditioning that had left me unsure of how to handle money. But I had something even more powerful: the determination to build a better life for myself and my children.
Now, five years later, we’re not just surviving—we’re thriving. My kids are in sports and swimming lessons, we take domestic holidays regularly, and in just a few months, we’re flying to the USA for our first international trip. The journey wasn’t easy, but it was possible. And if I can do it, so can you.
This is my story of reclaiming financial freedom after abuse, the lessons I’ve learned along the way, and how you can start building a future where you are never dependent on someone else for your financial stability.
The Reality of Financial Abuse: Why I Started at Zero
Financial abuse is one of the most overlooked forms of control in abusive relationships. It’s not just about being denied access to money; it’s about being systematically stripped of financial independence so that leaving seems impossible.
For me, that meant relying on my ex-partner for absolutely everything—money, transportation, bills, even friendships. Every financial decision was made for me, and over time, I lost the confidence to handle money myself.
When I finally left, I had no real financial literacy, no savings, and no idea how to provide for my family. And just as I was starting to regain my footing, reality hit hard—I couldn’t afford to stay in the city where we lived. I had no choice but to pack up my five children and move over 700 kilometers back to my mother’s house.
I was in my 30s, a single mother of five, with no home of my own. My mental health took a massive hit. The guilt, the frustration, and the fear of never being able to give my kids a stable life consumed me. But something inside me refused to give up.
I had survived worse. I had birthed a baby in silence, without pain medication, purely out of spite. If I could do that, I could rebuild my life. And I did. ACheiving financial freedom after abuse is now my number one goal.
Step 1: Relearning How to Handle My Own Money
One of the hardest things about financial abuse is that even when you leave, you don’t suddenly become financially capable overnight. I had to start from scratch—not just in making money, but in understanding how to manage it.
Here’s how I started:
- I educated myself. I devoured books, podcasts, and articles on budgeting, saving, and financial independence like a woman starved. Some of the most helpful resources included The Barefoot Investor and Rich Dad Poor Dad.
- I created a budget. At first, it was basic—just tracking my income and expenses. But slowly, I started planning ahead, setting savings goals, and gaining control. Apps like YNAB helped a massive amount. I couldn’t afford there app fees for a long time but even watching them on Youtube helped and taught me so much for free.
- I cut unnecessary expenses. Moving in with my mum was a hit to my pride, but it also gave me the financial breathing room I needed. I stopped impulse spending and focused only on necessities.
- I found ways to increase my income. Whether it was side gigs, government assistance, or selling items I no longer needed, I found every way possible to bring in extra money.
These weren’t quick fixes. They were slow, intentional steps that eventually started to pay off. This blog is now the next step in this plan.
Step 2: Building a Future for My Children
One of my biggest goals was to ensure my children never had to experience financial dependency the way I did. I wanted them to grow up understanding money, feeling financially secure, and knowing that they never had to rely on someone else to survive.
So, I made financial literacy a part of our everyday lives:
- I involve them in money conversations. My kids know how budgeting works. We talk about money openly—how much things cost, why we save, and how we make financial decisions.
- I teach them about earning money. They’ve learned that money isn’t just handed to you—you work for it. They help with age-appropriate tasks, and I encourage them to think about how they can create income for themselves.
- We practice saving together. When they receive money (birthday gifts, allowances, etc.), they save a portion before spending any of it. It’s a habit I wish I had learned earlier in life.
I refuse to let my children grow up thinking financial dependence is normal. They will know they are capable of standing on their own two feet.
Step 3: Enjoying Financial Freedom—Without Guilt
When I first started making progress, I felt guilty about spending money on anything beyond necessities. After struggling for so long, treating my kids to a holiday or signing them up for swimming lessons felt almost… selfish.
But I had to remind myself: financial freedom isn’t just about surviving—it’s about living.
Now, five years after leaving my abusive relationship, we’re doing things I never thought possible:
✅ My kids are in swimming lessons and sports.
✅ We take domestic holidays regularly.
✅ We’re planning our first international trip to the USA in July!
These aren’t just luxuries—they’re proof of how far we’ve come. They’re reminders that we are no longer just getting by. We are building a life we love.
Financial freedom means different things to everything and that’s ok. This is not a one-size-fits-all situation. Someone might see financial freedom as being able to quit their job and stay home and knit sweaters for cats. Someone else might feel financial freedom means being able to start an Etsy store for fun and spend their day making jewellery out of shells from the beach. There is no right or wrong answer here. For me, financial freedom means running this blog from anywhere and being able to be at every swimming lesson, gymnastic showcase, boxing comp, or horseriding event. It means being able o take my children to see the places around the world they want to see, being able to work on this blog while in Finland watching the Northern Lights, while we’re in Spain for my daughter’s upcoming 18th birthday, or here, at him, watching my kids in the yard playing soccer. Financial freedom means choices.
Step 4: How to Start Your Own Financial Freedom Journey
If you’re just starting your journey, here are some practical steps that helped me:
1. Create a Financial Safety Net
Even if you can only save a few dollars a week, start. Having emergency savings, even a small one, can give you a sense of security.
2. Find Support & Resources
There are organizations that help women leaving abusive relationships with financial education and assistance. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
3. Learn to Budget & Track Expenses
Write down every dollar that comes in and goes out. Apps like Mint or YNAB can help make budgeting easier.
4. Focus on Small Wins
Start with small goals, like paying off a small debt or saving for a specific expense. Each win will build your confidence.
5. Work on Your Money Mindset
Financial abuse leaves deep scars, and one of the biggest battles is often with yourself. Learn to shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance, and remind yourself that you deserve financial freedom.
Final Thoughts: You Are Stronger Than You Think
If you’ve been in an abusive relationship and are now facing financial uncertainty, I want you to know this: it is possible to rebuild. It won’t happen overnight, but step by step, you can take control of your money, your life, and your future.
Start with small, manageable actions. Set goals—no matter how small—and work toward them.
You deserve financial freedom. You deserve security. You deserve a life where you are in control.
And if you ever doubt that you can do it, remember this: I birthed a baby in silence, without pain medication, purely out of spite. Now, I’m doing the same with my finances, my life, and the future I’m creating for my children.
If I can do it, so can you.
More posts like this: 10 Best Financial Books for Women Seeking Independence
How to Manage Finances After Leaving an Abusive Relationship
